Sports people as biscuits, insurers as presenters

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Emmanuel KenningIf you have never listened to Fighting Talk (Radio 5, Saturday 11am) then you are missing a trick.

One of the staple jokes is 'sports people as biscuits' where Seb Coe becomes a Viennese Whirl, or Gareth Southgate is likened to a digestive, a good honest English biscuit but prone to crumble under pressure.

But why should sport have all the fun?

And so I offer to you the results of 4 mins 33 seconds of thinking: insurers as TV presenters.

I recall once hearing Stewart Lee on another radio show describing the relationship between Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer on Location, Location Location as, and I paraphrase, full of the crackle of unresolved sexual tension.

After a summer full of bids and recent rumours of counter offers, clearly Aviva and RSA are perfect to fill this flirtatious couple's shoes. Which one is which I'll leave to you.

For obvious reasons Ecclesiastical has to be Aled Jones, the nicest man on TV, and on a similar theme, all round good chap, and wine connoisseur extraordinaire, Phillip Schofield naturally fills the role of vineyard-owning Groupama, in my humble opinion.

Perhaps like me you were saddened and borderline distraught when Bruce Forsyth left the Strictly Come Dancing Sunday results show? But on the positive side, the new face on the block, beguiling and eager, Claudia Winkleman, strikes me as the perfect fit for LV.

Or do I mean Christine Bleakley or is it Julia Bradbury? Yes I admit I often find them hard to tell apart.

Ageas, now to be fair this one was tricky.

Whatever happened to Des Lynam? He used to be everywhere. So what about Fortis as Des and by extension Ageas as Gary Lineker? Bit of a stretch but at least I didn't plump for Jake Humphrey eh?

And so over to you.

Axa as Ant and Dec, or Allianz as Terry Wogan. The choices really are yours.

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